Haven
by Brooding Quaker
Summary: Hawke and Fenris developing relatioship and his fight for freedom. The story takes place in Act two but doesn't strictly follow the game timeline. Cover image provided by Savvid.
1. Chapter 1

_I must, then, repeat continually that we are for ever sundered - and yet, while I breathe and think, I must love him. Jane Eyre._

The day had been exhausting. She had had enough of his behavior; she had tried to understand but there is only so much she could justify to their companions. He had insulted her when she was only trying to help that elven girl then abandoned them in that cave to run Maker knows where. She had checked all the possible places he could be, the Hanged Man, his mansion, the rooftops they usually used to drink and talk, even the Chantry but he was just nowhere to be found.

"Please Fenris, please tell me you didn't leave Kirkwall, please tell me you're drunk on some new roof I couldn't check, please Fenris don't leave me" she whispered almost like a prayer finally walking back home.

To her surprise he was there, waiting at her foyer. She sighed his name in relief and almost stepped closer to hug him but at the last second remembered who she was really dealing with and stood stoic waiting for him to talk first.

"I came here to apologize. I took my anger on you undeservingly"

She wasn't going to let him off the hook that easily "I'd rather get less apologies and more explanations"

His eyes were burning with rage. "I can't explain. It is just too much to bear."

He stood up and turned to leave. Hawke stepped in his way and softly held his arm to stop him from leaving "Fenris, please"

The touch overwhelmed him. He didn't know what it was or how to handle it and Hawke couldn't tell what her touch did to him.

"Talk to me" she whispered looking into his eyes, moving her hand up to caress his cheek.

He looked so scared and vulnerable, if only for a second.

The change was so sudden, she barely distinguished it. Fear turned into pure hatred. The lyrium burnt in his skin and the glow was almost blinding.

"Do not touch me!" He growled with such resentment shoving her against the wall looking straight into her eyes, but it wasn't Hawke anymore, for a moment he was back in Tevinter being used by Danarius. And he was fighting him. How had he dared to do this? He would pay for this with pain.

His fear became too much it escaped from his grasp and passed unto her.

When he could see clearly again, she was pinned against his breastplate and the cold wall, her eyes had the ethereal color of lyrium. It would have been beautiful if she hadn't been mumbling in tongues looking as terrified as he did just a heartbeat ago. Her entire body started shacking as if she were convulsing.

He had to get some help. He softly sat her, resting her against the wall so he could run through the passage that goes from Hawke's mansion to Anders' clinic.

* * *

Anders awoke from his slumber as Fenris entered the clinic kicking open the door and shouting to the top of his lungs "Mage! Where are you?"

"Louder, Meredith didn't hear you!" He said rubbing his eyes adjusting to the darkness of the room.

"Hawke, something happened to her"

That was all Anders needed to shove Fenris out of the way getting some vials. "What did you do to her?" he snarled.

"Are you implying that I hurt her?" he answered in the same manner.

"No, I am sure you did. But I have to make sure she's fine before I kill you" he said hurrying to the passage.

When they got to the mansion Hawke was no longer where Fenris had left her. Anders looked in the library while Fenris ran upstairs to look in her room but her door was locked. He had never entered her room. He wouldn't dare to enter without her permission. He just stood there, his hand hovering on the knob.

"Maker Fenris, grow a pair" breathed Anders and pushed him to the side to open the door.

"Anders?" Hawke said from the bed, dagger in hand as he hurried to her bed "Fenris? What are you two doing here?"

Fenris just stood by the threshold while Anders got in healer mode examining her.

"What are you doing?" she asked yanking back her hand from him.

"How are you feeling? Are you hurt? Do you feel faint? Dizzy? Have you eaten recently?" he asked taking back her hand taking her pulse with one hand and checking her temperature with the other.

"What are you talking about?"

In all of the confusion while Anders was trying to check Hawke's general state, Fenris caught a glint from her eyes. There were some silver streaks across her black irises or maybe it was his imagination playing tricks on him, either way Anders would know what to do. "How did you get to your room?" Fenris asked.

"Walking? What do you mean?"

"I think you should keep an eye on her" Fenris said in a low tone "for the night." Anders answered with a quick nod.

"Who let you in anyway?"

Anders cut in the middle of her questioning "You seem just fine but I'll stay here in case something comes up"

"What? Stay? Why? No" she protested pulling the covers up to her chin like a small child.

"Please Hawke; it's for your own good" Fenris looked directly at Anders and gave him a threatening look "I'll come back in the morning" and left.

Hawke muttered something that sounded like a curse and slumped back in bed. She observed Anders awkwardly looking around toying with his sleeve.

"Well aren't you even going to sit down?"

"Oh yes, I'm sorry" and sat on the chair next to the bed.

"Today was exhausting and now I don't have the energy to ask what all of that was so I'll let you do your healer thing as long as you let me sleep"

He seemed to struggle with something. He was just trying to phrase his questions in a way she wouldn't feel interrogated nor attacked.

"Just answer me this" She rolled her eyes knowing it wasn't going to be just one question "Did he do something to you?"

She sighed feeling extremely jaded "You mean other than disappear in the middle of a mission?"

"Yes, besides that" his worried frown just annoyed her more "Did he come to see you when you got home?"

"No. I think I'd remember if he had shoved his fist in my chest. You know you can't hide that sort of stuff" now she was using sarcasm to ignore his usual banter of '_get rid of the mage hating elf_'

"I'm being serious Hawke, he came running to the clinic shouting '_Mage fix Hawke, I did something to her!_'" he said imitating Fenris' voice "I couldn't help but to think of the worst"

_Oh maker! That sad frown!_ She thought taking a deep breath to keep her temper at bay. She knew if she let him, he would start talking about the manifesto and then sleep would be unattainable.

"Well, he didn't" she said yawning faking exhaustion.

"Are you sure? I mean, you can tell me. I can help you get rid of him" he said take her hand in his.

"Oh dear Maker" she huffed taking his hand in both of hers pulling it to her chest "Seriously Anders thank you but no thank you" she said while thinking there is the Fenris banter, now he is two seconds away from turning this talk into an essay on mage oppression.

"I know you like him Hawke" He freed his hand to caress her face "but you can do so much better than that man beast"

He had crossed the line. Any other day she would have taken this talk with humor and maybe even listened to his opinions but tonight she was simply too fed up to stand it. She recoiled from his touch and glared at him.

"Just leave Anders, I'm fine"

He stood up to leave "The elf asked me not to. I'll be in your library if you need me." He went out of the room leaving the door half open.

* * *

As soon as the door shut behind Fenris he climbed to his familiar spot next to Hawke's window. He took a quick glance to make sure the mage was with her only to realize that she was alone.

"That mongrel sad excuse of a healer, I asked him one simple favor" Fenris muttered entering through the window but froze crouched at the sound of his name in Hawke's voice.

"Yes?" he whispered in response.

"No, not Fenris" her voice sounded tortured. "No Maker, no please Fenris no!" as she shouted his name, he heard steps running up the stairs. He had to leave; he was not supposed to be in her room. If she found out she would put locks in all of her windows. Not that he had ever dared to enter before but how could she be sure of that.

It hurt him to be so near her without being able to bring any comfort. It felt even worse when he realized he was being the torturer in her nightmares. She was shouting for him to stop, begging him to stop.

He decided he shouldn't interfere anymore. He had brought enough trouble in her life to hunt her dreams as well.

* * *

Anders reached her bed and touched her forehead, she was boiling with fever. He sent a wave of healing magic all over her body. Focused on trying to find out what was wrong, she caught him off guard and pinned him to the bed with a strong hold on his throat.

"Do not dare to touch me filthy mage" she spat at him.

"Hawke it's me, let go, you're chocking me" he managed to say.

But she couldn't hear anymore, she was being driven by pure anger that came from witnessing Fenris' torture in her dreams. Except it did not feel like a dream.

She had seen him spread on the altar being cut open and burnt with lyrium. His screams had been imprinted in her mind so clearly she wasn't able to listen to anything else. She had felt his pain, the burning sensation spreading fast all over her body, the need to tear at her skin to make it stop, kept bound and alive by blood magic, aware but powerless.

He was about to fall unconscious when he felt Justice starting to emerge. Anders knew if he let the spirit take over he would wake up to find an unpleasant surprise. One of them wouldn't see the sun rise again. Instead he decided to send a bolt of electricity strong enough to knock her out for a few moments. When he had tucked her in bed again he collapsed on the chair feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders. Justice was quickly taking over him. Lately he was having problems keeping the spirit in control. Against his better judgement he stayed in her room, trying hard to keep an eye on her fighting back exhaustion.

He noticed he had fallen asleep when her little sobs woke him. He approached her this time careful not to touch her.

"I feel like my heart is breaking" she said extending her hand to him. He held it and kissed it lightly.

"Hawke, what did he do to you?" he asked climbing to bed and holding her to his chest. She didn't respond, just nudged her head in his feathers and placed her hand under his robes where the tunic wasn't covering him, pulling him closer to her.

The contact was unexpected but not unwanted. He had imagined this one too many times but not under this circumstances. "I got you, now you're safe" he whispered kissing the top of her head as she drifted back to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

The art from the cover is from this awesome artist in DeviantArt. Original here

You should check her work, I highly recommend it. Now the story:

_Dread remorse when you are tempted to err. Jane Eyre_

The next day at the Hanged Man, Varric and Isabella couldn't stop talking about how they had found Anders and Hawke in a rather compromising position. Fenris was just enduring the torture trying not to pay much attention to their prattle. He wasn't here for the company after all; if he had wanted simply to get drunk he could have done it in his mansion. He wanted to see her. He had not dared to visit her in the morning, not after what he had seen and heard last night.

Varric interrupted his thoughts refilling his tankard "So, Broody I think you were a little too slow." Fenris didn't answer; just refrained to finish his drink and muttering a 'thank you' he left.

On his way to Hightown he bumped into Hawke, his lyrium dimly activating with the contact.

"You didn't come this morning"

"I didn't think my presence was needed" his words coming out with a bit of a slur. She tried to reach for him but he flinched back. "Where did you leave him?"

Hawke didn't understand why he was so angry when he had been the one asking Anders to stay with her. What she felt for Anders was different, he reminded her of her father.

"He left after breakfast"

"Sorry about my interference yesterday, had I known about your interest —"

"What?" she interrupted.

But either he was too drunk to see her irritation or didn't care "I have to go."

When Hawke arrived to the Hanged Man, Varric was retelling the story of how they had found her and Anders in a 'way too hard to achieve because she isn't that bendy' position and several broken furniture.

"Is that what you've been telling to people?"

"Of course, it helps the whole sexy hero reputation" Varric answered.

"You know some people might misinterpret the story, like they might believe it actually happened"

"With people you mean a certain angsty elf" said Isabella suddenly more interested in this side of the table.

"Probably" Hawke answered trying to control the flush in her cheeks.

"We thought it would help him make his move faster."

She rolled her eyes "Are you kidding me? You are still feeding that idea? We are just friends and the thought of it is just awkward—"

"That is called sexual tension" Isabella purred with a wicked smile. _I wish_ Hawke dared to think.

"How could he… Where did you get this idea in the first place?" she sounded irritated but there was this hopeful glint in her eyes that gave her away.

"It is so painfully obvious it hurts me, it physically hurts me" said Isabella pretending to have a dagger in her chest.

"That is because you are looking at it from the wrong perspective" Hawke groaned.

"Sweetling, even a blind could see it"

She just let her head fall on the table and let their talk keep on going.

"I just don't get women, why do you find suffering so appealing?" Varric asked finishing his drink.

"Easiest way to get laid, save the damsel in distress"

"Fenris is not a damsel" grunted Hawke with her face still on the table.

"Don't you worry kitten, you're still getting laid" Isabella pinched her cheek, "or he will" she reassured her with smile.

Hawke had seen a bit too many times how Isabella flirted with Fenris. He never responded to her advances still, he also had never said no; he only got impossibly still and scowled more than usual. How much more would it take for him to give in and comply with Isabella's whims?

"Had I known sooner I'd have brooded and cursed everyone over my lack of beard" said Varric gesturing for more ale.

"You can't, your chest hair compensates all the disgrace and misfortune you find in life" finished Isabella.

* * *

Some days passed, a few missions were taken and Fenris hadn't showed up, not even once. No one had seen him. It wasn't the first time he was avoiding company, but it was the first time he avoided hers. She knew something was wrong. He was usually eager to hear the summaries of the missions that he had not been in, always giving advice, training or simply sharing a bottle of wine.

They had grown closer since her mother had passed away. He had been the only one who was able to keep the guilt demons away. He understood that she didn't need soft empty words of comfort; she just needed someone to be there. To assure her that it was not her fault, that she had not provoked it.

It was a bit terrifying how quickly she had grown used to his presence, how much he missed him every day, how badly she wanted to be rid of these feelings and how much she secretly craved he felt the same way.

She decided it was enough, if he didn't want to be bothered he should at least have the decency of sending a message instead of keeping her worried with his absence.

When she was at the door, something made her hesitate. It was too late to visit for practice and too early for wine. Then she remembered, Shartan's book. His name was the first that crossed her mind as soon as she read the title.

Now that she had it in her hands wrapped in a red ribbon, she was able to walk with a bit more confidence to his mansion.

Fenris heard a soft rustle downstairs, he knew only by the sound of the steps who it was and continued sharpening his sword.

When she entered, he just gave her a nod to greet her.

"Why have you been hiding from me?" she blurted out the question to immediately regret it.

"I haven't, you know where to find me. I thought you haven't needed me" his face expressionless.

"I don't come here just when I need you. You're my friend. I enjoy just being with you." That got his attention. He looked up to meet her eyes. She had called him friend; the meaning of the word was foreign to him. He had never been able to call someone or been called a friend, "you trust too fast."

She avoided his eyes, nothing had really changed and yet, now she felt uneasy in his presence, "easy comes, easy goes."

"I'd rather not give it at all. People always find a way to lose it."

"But that way is easier to see them for who they really are"

He considered the thought but Fenris always preferred to keep his distance, a wall between himself and the outside world, it was safer this way; until he met Hawke and her ability to trespass personal space.

"Very well, if you don't need my assistance then what brings you here?"

"I just want to talk Fenris" she said sitting on the opposite bench.

"Go ahead"

"And I also brought you something that I thought you might like" she said offering him a leather bound book. He just looked at it.

"If that is one of Isabella's stories, there is no need for it, I happen to get the audio version from her anyway"

It felt as if a hundred poisoned needles stabbed her heart at the same moment and still she had no right to feel like this. She had no claim over him and Isabella had made it very obvious every now and then that if Hawke didn't want to make a move, she'd be happy to do it.

She felt the sudden need to go and stood to leave.

"I didn't know you and Isabella were intimate" she said trying not to stutter.

"We are not" he said sounding irritated.

"Oh" was all she could say before she pressed her lips into a thin line and tried to appear stoic even though inside she was doing a ridiculous victory dance.

"Why?" he stood. "Did she tell you otherwise?" he asked coming closer scrutinizing her face.

"No… It's just… because you said that you got to hear her… so I thought that you were…" she was so nervous, gesturing too much, taking two steps back for every step he took forward. Her back soon met the wall and he was too close to her "it's by Shartan"

"What?" he stopped.

"The book" she pushed him back with it.

He took it, looking bewildered. "Thank you" he said walking back to the bench where he left it, then grabbed his wet stone and just fidgeted with it.

"I better get going. Sorry if I disrupted your evening" she was walking to the door.

"Hawke, they don't teach slaves how to read" he said nonchalantly. That stopped her abruptly.

"Oh Maker, I am sorry, of course how could I be so stupid" Hawke apologized walking back to him to retrieve the book but found it already open in Fenris hands "I'm sorry Fenris I didn't mean to offend you. I won't tell anyone"

He smirked, "you didn't and it is no secret. That is how I got the audio version from Isabella"

"I could always teach you, you know" she offered without thinking much about it.

"I'd like that" he gave her the slightest hint of a smile.

_Thank you for reading _(:


	3. Chapter 3

I have little left in myself - I must have you. The world may laugh - may call me absurd, selfish - but it does not signify. My very soul demands you: it will be satisfied, or it will take deadly vengeance on its frame.

Jane Eyre

There had only been a fortnight of study and Fenris was already able to read without much hesitation. The writing however was not getting easier. Hawke paced around his room while he struggled with the quill and parchment.

"I just don't see why this is so important" he said after muttering some phrases in Arcanum. Judging by his expression they must have been curses.

"It is a package deal Fenris, if you can read you have to write"

"Couldn't I just ask Varric to do it for me?"

"Or you could just take off the gauntlet, it would make it a lot easier"

He grunted something she supposed was yet another curse but obliged and continued writing. It didn't make significant difference writing with a naked hand, it took him the same amount of time to write the sentences and the letters still looked like dancing bugs mocking his poor skill.

"I could ask you" he said almost too quiet for her to hear it.

"You could, but my price is high" she said sitting next to him and giving her best business look.

"Very well, state it" he answered in the same manner.

_Something big enough so he can't afford it or something bad enough so he won't be willing to do it… A kiss per word!_ Her mind almost shouted.

She looked into his eyes then trailed down to focus on his lips while she bit hers. Hawke reached for the hand that was still holding the quill "keep practicing."

Of course she wouldn't say it; she wouldn't dare to say it. The biggest coward of all desired the bravest man she had ever met... And he looked so overwhelmingly infuriated.

"Don't ever do that again" he said yanking back his hand from her grasp.

She was about to apologize for trespassing that implicit barrier they had. It was some sort of rule they followed and not just between them, touch was only given when it was necessary.

"How many temptations do you wish to offer a man before he will give in?"

_As many as necessary,_ she thought but stayed quiet not being able to meet his eyes.

"Why do you flirt with me Hawke?"

"I thought it was painfully obvious," maybe it was all in Isabella's mind and Fenris wasn't even a bit interested in her.

"As far as I know you have a relationship with the mage," or maybe he was completely deaf, dumb and blind.

"Who told you that?" she asked irritated. Where did he get these ideas? And with Anders of all people, even Jethann would have been a better guess. She was going to have a serious talk with Varric and Isabella because Fenris looked at their gossip like facts and Hawke didn't help with any clarification. She always had a limit that even though she would not draw clearly she would still respect. She would touch but she would not linger, she would flirt but she would not respond to his flattery, she would spend the night with him but she would not sleep in the mansion and whenever he asked about the mage she would give him vague or short angry answers. Always taking one step forward and then two steps back.

"Why do you flirt with me?" Fenris insisted. So lost in her thought she didn't realize that he had been analyzing her face and getting close, closer than usual.

"I think I should go" she stood up and almost sprinted to the door.

"Hawke" she stopped right in the middle of the room "I think you shouldn't come here anymore."

Her head fell in defeat. She just had to say it, she just had to turn around and say it, tell him her true intentions no matter how he would respond to them. But she didn't.

She accepted the defeat and uttered a yes walking out of his room.

He would have only a few seconds to reach her, ignore his instinct and act like the free man he was. He didn't want to hold back anymore. A word, a look would be enough to let him know her answer.

"Marian" he whispered to her ear. She gasped and flinched, turning to look at him. But in the dimly lit corridor the elf was the only one able to see with some clarity. Her eyes pitch black and lips slightly parted, her heart almost breaking her ribcage; she felt so small holding her breath trying not to shiver. His thumb traced her lower lip. She couldn't control it any longer; she closed her eyes, shivered and sighed almost in relief, losing herself to his light touch.

In the darkness of the hall he had the first taste of her lips.

She was shocked. Of all the different scenarios she had imagined this definitely wasn't one of them. She had never even imagined a first kiss.

His strong hold molding her against him. The urgent movement of his lips against hers tightly shut. She just stood there not responding to his touch.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that" he said letting her go, lowering his head in resignation. He couldn't see that the blueish glint of her eyes was shining faintly.

Before he could take another step back; her hands reached for the collar of his shirt, pulling him to her. Her shy lips on his, faintly touching him, barely there, he could feel her trembling. His tongue touched her lips, that touch it was all she needed to let go. Her arms circled his neck pushing her body against his, fingers twining in his hair, an armored hand searched for a little spot uncovered by metal or leathers.

"Consider wearing regular clothes next time"

She laughed nervously at the comment breaking their kiss. He hid his face on her neck breathing her in, vowing that he would never let anyone take this memory from him. He would never let anyone take her from him.

"Fenris?"

He responded with a hum that made her shiver.

"You're glowing a bit"

"I know"

A few days later at The Hanged Man, Varric was back from some business with his circle of connections, it wasn't too often that he needed to leave his quarters at the Hanged Man but some matters were delicate enough to take place elsewhere. He was in serious need of a drink, so he asked for a pint and to keep them coming. When he entered his chamber he found Fenris pacing.

"Elf, what brings you here?"

"I need to send a letter"

"Look, death threats to Anders will be better assimilated with some of that 'fist through chest' thing you are so fond of" Fenris just stopped his pacing and looked at him with his permanent frown.

"Love letter to Hawke?" still no response. "Tough audience" Varric muttered.

"I want to know if Hadriana told me the truth. I want to find my sister"

"You could have said that sooner, saved us from the awkward exchange"

"Her name is Varania, she is currently in Qarinus serving a Magister named Ahriman"

"I hope you don't mind much but I thought you'd want to know about her, eventually" he cleared his throat as Norah brought two pints and left "I put some of my people onto her and… You may want to drink some of that" Varric said pointing at the pint closer to Fenris.

"Just tell me what you found"

Varric took his time, resting Bianca next to his chair and sipping from his tankard to clear his throat. Fenris just stared at him using the last bit of his patience.

"She is real Fenris"

He flopped down in the nearest chair, his throat closing entirely; he grabbed the pint and forced as much ale as he could in one drink.

"Is she a slave?"

"No. Hadriana didn't lie to you"

"I have to send her coin; I have to get her out of there" he was pacing again, looking frantic. Varric had to handle this with cold yet gentle approach. It was more than obvious that Varania was the perfect bait and would not travel alone; she'd bring his employer with or without her consent. But that was not the one Varric was worried about. Danarius was surely going to be informed of this, most likely he already was.

"Let's not rush into things elf, there are some things we have to consider first"

"I have to get her out of there, there is nothing else to consider"

"What about Danarius?"

Fenris paused his pacing.

"He won't take her from me. I will protect her."

Varric just hoped it wouldn't come to that, "very well. I'll fetch the quill and parchment."


End file.
